By Lindsay Ford, Regular Columnist.
It took me a long time to get pregnant.
If you’ve struggled with this, then you know that monthly roller coaster of the hopeful “This is it!” weeks followed by crushing disappointment.
The first year of trying was the worst. I kept wondering, “What’s wrong with me?, “Why can’t I do something so many others do by accident?” I felt like a failure and like the universe was somehow rejecting me.
Not good enough.
It brought up those deep insecurities of not good enough.
You’ve probably had these feelings of not good enough even if you’ve never struggled to get pregnant.
It comes up each time your spouse ignores you, a pitch is turned down, an idea is criticized, a friend forgets your birthday, or when writers block strikes.
I hated those never ending monthly roller coasters. I hated that something so small could swing my emotions into extremes. I wanted to regain my emotional control.
Simply put, I wanted to feel better.
Somewhere during year two of attempts to conceive, I entered into the world of organic foods, meditation, and self-reflection.
And I stumbled upon this idea:
You want to be pregnant because you think it’ll make you happier and it’s the same when you want those cute new heels. You think they’ll make you happier.
Everything you want in life, you want because you think it’ll make you happier.
Getting married. Writing a book. Starting a business. Retirement. Vacations.
You want these things because you believe they’ll make you happier.
So why not just focus on getting happy?
If the purpose of acquiring anything, becoming something, or changing everything is to get happy, then skip the middleman and focus on getting happy.
And that’s what I did.
It sounds deceptively simple, but it’s hard to put into practice. It means that you have to let go of your attachment to outcomes.
It means giving up control to the universe, but trusting that you’ll get to exactly where you need to be.
It took months and months of self-reflection, of facing my fears, of listening to my emotions and inner wisdom, of tuning out the noise around me telling me what I “should be” doing.
It took effort. Conscious effort.
I became happier and happier and happier and happier.
Even though I wasn’t getting pregnant each month, I was off the emotional rollercoaster. It was no longer wreaking havoc on my emotions.
I got to that beautiful place of knowing that I could be totally happy without a baby.
And what a beautiful place that is…that deep knowingness. That place of trusting completely in the universe. That place of believing it’s possible to feel joy and fulfillment without relying on outside circumstances.
Once you get to this place, all of the stress, worries, and struggles in your life disappear. Rejection doesn’t sting as much. Failure doesn’t send you into a spiral of self-doubt. Mistakes don’t leave you berating yourself.
You continue to be happy, because happy is your focus. Not someone’s approval. Not compliments or accolades. Not finding the perfect partner or starting the perfect business.
Your happiness no longer depends on an outcome you can’t control.
And that is a freeing feeling.
Lindsay Ford is a parenting coach, certified in Positive Discipline, who helps struggling parents build cooperation in their young children and restore peace back into their home. She teaches parents to see the emotions under the misbehavior and identify effective strategies that fit their family. Visit www.thinkfeeldecide.com to get your FREE video course: Handle Tantrums Like a Pro (and keep your cool while you’re at it).